I had one of those strange dreams last night, the kind where it seems to be a mishmash of all sorts of experiences, a combination of waking life experiences and dreamworld created experiences. I know from my years of dream journaling and exploring and studying the psyche that this dream was what I call an anxiety dream, dreams which aren’t necessarily part of a deep healing or other process within the subconscious, but one about current stresses and problems. As I journaled and reviewed my dream, I clearly understood what it was about, namely finding balance in waking life:
I’m walking home from the bus station in San Francisco in a hurry. I pass by a shop I remembered (does not exist in waking life) that I used to enjoy browsing through. I briefly think about stopping in, but I don’t. I’m on a mission. I’m home in Santa Barbara, my current home but different. I’ve decided to color my hair and am rushing putting the dye in, so much so, I don’t even protect my skin or clothing. I’m just trying to get it done. It starts burning my skin, and so I get in the shower to wash it all off. I hear people enter the home. It’s two men, robbers. I’m concerned but not scared. One seems to be focused on looking for something and ignores me. The other wants to have a conversation. The “robbers” don’t even seem to care when I call 911. I tell the operator what’s happening, and she asks for my address. I tell her I live on Tamas Lane, though I know it’s something else. Then I tell her Tamas is wrong, and I live on Mission Arajas.
I can’t stop smiling at how clearly my subconscious is pointing out to my conscious mind what it already knows but really needs to pay more attention to: finding balance! In my dream I’m rushing, in a hurry, trying to get stuff done, and ignoring slowing down, enjoying things, and pausing even just to have a nice conversation. The “robbers” are aspects of me, masculine energy: doing, action, “on a mission,” etc. And yet, one of them tries to get me to stop and talk. This completely reflects my very busy life of being a full-time mommy, doing client sessions and readings, working on multiple books and deck projects, and maintaining my YouTube channel with a little social media on the side. But honestly I have so much creative energy flowing through me, I just want to work, work, work, i.e. create, create, create as much as I can.
I am full of “doing energy,” but I have also been aware that I need to make sure I have enough slow, restful, rejuvenating down time, besides my meditation time before bed and the occasional family outing. This is something I’ve been trying to figure out and manage quite a bit lately, and my dream is reminding me that if I try to rush through things, things go wrong, which takes more time, which slows things, which takes away time for more balance.
The most beautiful part of this dream is the street names. They blatantly spoke to me of this need to find more balance between slowing down and busily creating and doing. They are named for two of the three gunas, or constituents of Prakriti: Tamas is the guna quality of inertia, slowness, sluggishness, and rest, and Rajas is the guna quality of action, passion, and energy. In my dream I am rushing away from slowing down for fear of being inert or not getting things done. I don’t (want to) live on Tamas Lane, and though my mission is to be busily doing, my subconscious gave me another message to make it my mission to find more down time when I stated I lived on Mission Arajas: A- (not) Rajas.
This image of the Buddha entangled in the banyan tree roots is what came to mind as I journaled about this dream. It comes from The Chrysalis Tarot – the Three of Spirals (Wands) card. The number three represents creative energy and growth, and the Wands or fire suit represents passion, energy, and action. Yet, the Buddha figure is being devoured by all of this creative action. Roots move slowly, you can call them tamasic, but in time and with time they form a strong, nourishing foundation for the growth and continuous creative production of the tree. Tamas and Rajas in balance.