Butterfly Journal: Truth (Entry #3)

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The Banyan Tree

This past month I’ve been contemplating and working on healing my root chakra, Muladhara, and in this process have come to deeper realizations to the truth of my roots, and how, by making this life-changing transition, I have been bringing the deeply rooted truths both full circle and out of the shadows. Like the banyan tree, whose roots come forth out of the ground to form woody “trunks” and whose branches grow downwards, that which is deep in the unconscious and in the spirit realm is interconnected with and reflected by this conscious and physical world. What is deep within is also the light that is deep with-out, and this physical plane is but an illusion, a reflection, a shadow of the true reality.

Until working through Butterfly Journal, I had never given much conscious thought to my own shadow, though indirectly I have addressed it through all the self-healing work I have done. But through this journal process I have become aware of a shadow I had not seen before. This shadow is ‘shame’, which extends all the way back to my childhood roots, and which had affected my choices through the course of my life. It is shame of being neglected, abused, and abandoned. It’s a fear that keeps a child from speaking up, and a fear that for a long time had prevented me from saying anything when others ignored, let down, flaked out, and continually took from me as an adult. For a long time I allowed my needs to be neglected and stomped on, but have since learned to not let others take advantage of me.

images-1Addressing this truth about this shadow that has been hiding in my roots and bringing it to the surface has been a releasing experience. Returning to the home, family, and place of my roots has enabled it to come full circle. I do not believe that this cycleimages-2 could have nor would have come to completion had I not taken that leap into the abyss by completely ending one life and starting a new one from scratch. I seem to have traversed the Tarot’s Journey of the Fool: I stepped completely alone into the unknown and having come full circle, I now feel connected to the entire World.

By bringing our shadows to the surface, we expose them to Light, to Truth. Shame carries with it anger and the hurt caused by others. I had forgiven all who had hurt me a long time ago, but what I realized was the truth that I had not forgiven myself – for feeling guilty or somehow responsible, for feeling I somehow deserved it, for not stopping or walking away sooner, for not standing up for myself, and for not listening to my intuition (which I 110% trust now no matter how crazy it seems! It’s always right.). But, I am also aware that no matter how many missteps or mistakes I made because of my shadow, all those experiences have provided me with some of the most amazing and beautiful lessons that have enabled me to grow into the person I am today. Because of this I have great gratitude for all those people, things, and experiences. Shadows are cast because of the light we have within. We are here to learn to shine our own light brighter and brighter until it is so bright there are no shadows, and we can shine on for others.

The shadow is the person we’d rather not be.  – C.G. Jung

There is synchronicity with writing this post and with Halloween/Samhain coming up, for it was on Samhain that the Celtic god Dagda, protector of the tribe and earth, united with the phantom queen, the Morrigan, the fairy spirit goddess of psychic powers. This symbolizes the alchemical union of the physical world (Dagda) and the spirit world (Morrigan).

In addition, the planet Mercury is now moving retrograde in Scorpio (in Western Astrology), the sign of all that is hidden, secret, and unknown: occult knowledge, spiritual knowledge, nature spirits, our shadows, intuition, psychic abilities, even astrology. When in retrograde a planet’s influence deepens and intensifies. Mercury is the messenger who assists communication between the gods (spirit realm) and man (physical realm). These weeks surrounding Halloween/Samhain, when the veil (the illusion) between the physical and spirit worlds is thin, is a time for all of us to dig and dive deeper to bring what is hidden into the light, and to see what truths we have deep inside.

And this, in truth, has brought this post full circle. 🙂

God offers to every man its choice between truth and repose. Take which you please; you can never have both.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

To read previous Butterfly Journal entries, Click Here.

To learn more about and purchase Butterfly Journal, Click Here.

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About Julianne Victoria

I am a writer, healer, spiritual life coach, astrologer & tarot reader in Santa Barbara, CA. I hope to help heal, teach, and inspire others on their journeys and in this life. © Julianne Victoria and Through the Peacock's Eyes Press under the Common Law Copyright; My main Blog: www.peacockseyes.com
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30 Responses to Butterfly Journal: Truth (Entry #3)

  1. Nice post. Got some knowledges.

  2. BloomLisa says:

    I love this post Victoria. It resonates deeply with me and my personal journey with shame & forgiveness. Thank you for sharing and inspiring me…on today of all days. Namaste

  3. wonderful post laced with mystic astrology and the ambiguous mercury of uncertain gender and intent – what i have learnt is that every emotional catastrophy is intended for our evolution and later after the trauma has subsided we are more mature and better beings.

    • Thank you! Indeed, Indrajit, the challenges of the past all had important purposes for my soul’s evolution. That is why I have decided to start sharing it here – so it may help and inspire others. I am also working on a book about my journey for the same reasons, and in this process I am learning and becoming aware of even more lessons and ways that those experiences were necessary for my growth. Namaste _/l\_

  4. Wonderful post, Julianne. Thought provoking through resonance and shared experience. You meet the reader and call forth.

  5. Nice post! It is not an easy journey, but what else is there to do?
    Mercury (Tehuti) in Scorpio? That sure explains a few and a lot of things. I should not have been slacking on my astrology, but as I took up physics again, something had to give. 🙂

  6. Really interesting and absolutely spot on!

  7. fozziemum says:

    So true and moving…forgiving ourselves is incredibly hard…to do so we have to then also accept that we are powerful and in charge of our destinies..sometimes easier to hide and blame others allowing us to not step forward into a brave new world. I got into the habit of not listening to my instincts..and suddenly these last 6 months they have pushed themselves on me in a bid not to be ignored..so I listen..sometimes I don’t want to hear what they say..but that isn’t really up to me I suppose 🙂 have a great day hugs Fozziemum xx

  8. Shelly says:

    That was quite thought provoking and beautiful. It sounds like you are closely in touch with your inner landscape. I like people who are not afraid to express themselves about confronting their inner shadow. This is very important work indeed.

  9. This is a marvelous post! Dig the banyan tree, truly majestic! i applaud your journey and your honest expression of your lessons. This process of exposing our shadow into the light is where most of the magic happens. setting limits and finding your voice will set you free in unimaginable ways. I support your continued growth and empowerment.

    in light and love,
    Linda

  10. “By bringing our shadows to the surface, we expose them to Light, to Truth”.
    There are so many truths of deep intérerieur course in your articles, thank you Julianne Victoria

  11. Amy says:

    Well written post! Growing is a long, long journey. You’re so right that until we forgive ourselves, the journey is not complete. Thank you so much for sharing your insight and thoughts, Julianne!

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