This past month I’ve been contemplating and working on healing my root chakra, Muladhara, and in this process have come to deeper realizations to the truth of my roots, and how, by making this life-changing transition, I have been bringing the deeply rooted truths both full circle and out of the shadows. Like the banyan tree, whose roots come forth out of the ground to form woody “trunks” and whose branches grow downwards, that which is deep in the unconscious and in the spirit realm is interconnected with and reflected by this conscious and physical world. What is deep within is also the light that is deep with-out, and this physical plane is but an illusion, a reflection, a shadow of the true reality.
Until working through Butterfly Journal, I had never given much conscious thought to my own shadow, though indirectly I have addressed it through all the self-healing work I have done. But through this journal process I have become aware of a shadow I had not seen before. This shadow is ‘shame’, which extends all the way back to my childhood roots, and which had affected my choices through the course of my life. It is shame of being neglected, abused, and abandoned. It’s a fear that keeps a child from speaking up, and a fear that for a long time had prevented me from saying anything when others ignored, let down, flaked out, and continually took from me as an adult. For a long time I allowed my needs to be neglected and stomped on, but have since learned to not let others take advantage of me.
Addressing this truth about this shadow that has been hiding in my roots and bringing it to the surface has been a releasing experience. Returning to the home, family, and place of my roots has enabled it to come full circle. I do not believe that this cycle could have nor would have come to completion had I not taken that leap into the abyss by completely ending one life and starting a new one from scratch. I seem to have traversed the Tarot’s Journey of the Fool: I stepped completely alone into the unknown and having come full circle, I now feel connected to the entire World.
By bringing our shadows to the surface, we expose them to Light, to Truth. Shame carries with it anger and the hurt caused by others. I had forgiven all who had hurt me a long time ago, but what I realized was the truth that I had not forgiven myself – for feeling guilty or somehow responsible, for feeling I somehow deserved it, for not stopping or walking away sooner, for not standing up for myself, and for not listening to my intuition (which I 110% trust now no matter how crazy it seems! It’s always right.). But, I am also aware that no matter how many missteps or mistakes I made because of my shadow, all those experiences have provided me with some of the most amazing and beautiful lessons that have enabled me to grow into the person I am today. Because of this I have great gratitude for all those people, things, and experiences. Shadows are cast because of the light we have within. We are here to learn to shine our own light brighter and brighter until it is so bright there are no shadows, and we can shine on for others.
The shadow is the person we’d rather not be. – C.G. Jung
There is synchronicity with writing this post and with Halloween/Samhain coming up, for it was on Samhain that the Celtic god Dagda, protector of the tribe and earth, united with the phantom queen, the Morrigan, the fairy spirit goddess of psychic powers. This symbolizes the alchemical union of the physical world (Dagda) and the spirit world (Morrigan).
In addition, the planet Mercury is now moving retrograde in Scorpio (in Western Astrology), the sign of all that is hidden, secret, and unknown: occult knowledge, spiritual knowledge, nature spirits, our shadows, intuition, psychic abilities, even astrology. When in retrograde a planet’s influence deepens and intensifies. Mercury is the messenger who assists communication between the gods (spirit realm) and man (physical realm). These weeks surrounding Halloween/Samhain, when the veil (the illusion) between the physical and spirit worlds is thin, is a time for all of us to dig and dive deeper to bring what is hidden into the light, and to see what truths we have deep inside.
And this, in truth, has brought this post full circle. 🙂
God offers to every man its choice between truth and repose. Take which you please; you can never have both.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
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