By accepting our situations, we can surrender to the process of metamorphosis and personal growth. Acceptance and surrender, however, does not mean giving up or becoming a martyr. It means embracing what is, right now, for it is only when we accept what is, that we can have the clarity to see how to best handle things and what steps to take to learn and grow from every situation and experience.
In the last Butterfly Journal entry, I discussed how I work to transform unpleasant or negative emotions into the next best thing: It’s surrendering, embracing, and also loving what I feel that allows it to metamorphose into better feelings and into feeling better. It can also be helpful to understand the “why’s.” As I say: the why’s have much to teach us! Why have I felt irritated and frustrated often when dealing with my mother? This is a loaded “why.” As mentioned before, the Alzheimer’s behaviors are easy to deal with, and actually bring in some comic relief. The superficial answer to the “why” is that it is frustrating dealing with sociopathic behaviors (for anyone), and any hurt that may still be lingering from childhood neglect and abuse may come out as further irritation. However, I haven’t felt hurtful anger towards my mother in many years, and through understanding her pain, struggles, and suffering I have forgiven her.
Now let’s take a huge deep breath and dip below the surface of the water to explore the depths! My relationship with my mother was echoed in many ways in many of my personal relationships, both partnership relationships and friends. I repeatedly experienced relationships that showed the same qualities and behaviors to different degrees: lying/keeping secrets, manipulation, theft, neglect, repeatedly being let down, and all forms of abuse. These experiences came in all different shapes, forms, and quantities, but each time (and luckily more quickly each time) I’d see the echoing behaviors of my mother.
Once I had accepted that some part of me deep inside my unconscious was allowing these experiences into my life so that I could learn to stand up for myself, not allow others to take from me or take advantage of me, and not allow myself to over-give beyond my means putting my own survival needs and safety at risk, I was able to clear my life of such people. It was only then that I knew I had returned to my hometown, to the source of this grand lesson, to complete this life-long cycle of healing. It was through embracing my own painful experiences that I have been able to learn, grow, and release them completely. Through acceptance, we release. We must embrace that which we wish to let go of!
As I mentioned in this Tarot Tuesday post discussing my New Year spread: 2013 was the year of rest, recuperation, and healing, and of re-organizing, planning, incubating, and visualizing what I was working towards creating and re-creating. 2014 is the year I give birth to myself and a new life, and expand and grow in abundance and love. I have to say, I do feel so incredibly healthy, strong, newborn, and lighter. Though in the day-to-day for the time being I do often watch my mother and she can be irritating, so much has been released both through conscious and unconscious work, that the moments of irritation and frustration pass very quickly. Acceptance and embracing the darkness inside the cocoon has freed me for further growth and expansion.
In some of my early Butterfly Journal posts, I discussed some of my dream series concerning my huge life transformation and move. The dreams stopped shortly thereafter, but last week I had another one, one that seems to be a dream that brings that whole cycle to closure:
I was curious what it would be like if I returned to my old house. (This was a lucid dream thought. Also before I went to sleep I was exploring what a parallel timeline would be if I had not moved.) I went to a woman (unknown) friend’s home, and she was working on starting up a private medical practice. She was discussing her plans and how we could work together. It felt uneasy to me. Though I figured I could get some of my clients back, I didn’t like her plans.
I went to my old house. No one was living there. Inside the basement level (where I had had my office) had been gutted. I would have to rebuild it from scratch. I didn’t know how I would do this. I had no money to pay the mortgage, and didn’t even have a treatment table. The upstairs was empty, and all the walls were the pale blue color they had been when I first moved in in 2003.
To read all previous Butterfly Journal entries, Click Here.
If you are interested in embarking on your own journey of transformation, you can purchase Butterfly Journal for under $10 from Create Space, Amazon (and international stores), or Barnes & Noble.
To learn more about and read reviews for Butterfly Journal, Click Here.
beautiful blog ¨! maxima
Excellent post Julie! I always appreciate the way you apply insight to your personal experiences. It certainly takes courage to share ourselves with the world this way.
I’ve found that if we reject parts of personality, our past experiences, or the conditions we have manifested in our lives . . . we do ourselves a disservice. Acceptance is the key to taking control of our circumstances. If we do not take responsibility for what we have created . . . we are operating by default. This means we are giving up our personal power to outside influences. This behavior will only lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. Acceptance empowers us. We can only make positive change when have made the decision to accept “what is”.
I’ve found that when I speak the truth . . . people are reluctant to challenge me with their false beliefs. That is because they also know the truth. I believe people can feel the truth radiating out from you. If a person does raise concerns about my ideas . . . I do my best to listen and consider what the other person has to say. Showing respect to other people is one of my truths.
Love, light, and blessings <8
Thank you David for your kind and wise words! Namaste _/l\_
Much wisdom in your opening paragraph.
I really resonate with what you are saying here. Sounds as though you have emerged from the chrysalis, through returning to your source on the spiral journey.
I was dreaming a week ago that I was in an elevator [you call them] trying to find the button to get down to the basement of a large building to get to my car. Complaining to a woman there that there was no basement button.
I also had a major move 2004 after big change 2003.
Kudos to you you seem to be going fine.
Thank you! I’ve had a few rebirths in life so far. 🙂 Your dream sounds like you are looking for your foundation or roots.
I really enjoy reading how far you’ve come. 2014 sounds like it is going to be a banner year for you, Julianne. You deserve it!
Your acceptance/martyrdom contrast is so clear. And the finding that your situation was good in the sense that it allowed you to learn to stand up for yourself… that was true for me too.
Lovely post Julianne and such a positive thing acceptance of either positive or negative..negative being often the biggest growth so accepting it is part of the journey 🙂 Fozziemum xx
Thank you, Julianne Victoria for this beautiful post. Acceptance is the condition of any changes.
Excellent, from the very first line.
Thanks Donna! 🙂