Art by Josephine Wall
Last month’s journal topic was Faith, and with the journaling process of the first three months of Butterfly Journal I feel I have accomplished a great amount of healing. I left off the last entry saying: I am now curious to see how this increased faith in myself is going to manifest in my life… And this leads nicely into the prompt for month #4:
With self-reflection, truth, and faith we have begun to clear our view of ourselves and of our lives. This clarity of sight brings awareness to our every-day living and being. We begin to see better not only what is going on around us, but also what we think, feel, and do; as well as how our thoughts, emotions, and actions affect others.
For the fourth month, observe yourself: what you think, what you feel, what you do, and the energy all of these put out towards others and into your environment. Are the effects positive or negative? You may notice that the more self-aware you become, the more positive you think, feel, act, and affect the world around you.
The dream series that I had documented in previous journal entries seems to have also come to a stage of completion. I have had a couple of dreams where I had very briefly returned to my old house, but everything there was white and bright, as if washed out and cleaned out by the light. The slate has been wiped clean, and now the new is free to manifest.
Even though some of the past and some “what if’s” were still clearing out, my thoughts, a powerful form of energy in itself, have been mainly focused on visualizing how I wish my life to unfold. Thoughts sometimes line up for years before they manifest in the three dimensional world, but I also know that we need to take action to help bring our wishes and goals to fruition. As long as we do not let feelings of fear and worry hold us back, things will fall into place when the time is best for it. We need to have faith in the process so that we do not try to force things to happen when all has not yet lined up.
The biggest awareness challenge in my current situation, however, is in dealing with my mother. My mother has Alzheimer’s and I am one of her main caretakers. She is a very difficult person, to say the least, so figuring out how to handle her has been very challenging. She had other mental issues before the addition of Alzheimer’s, so “normal” positive interaction is sometimes futile. As this month goes on, I am going to evaluate as aware as possible how this situation affects my thoughts, feelings, and actions and how those affect her behavior and reactions.
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For a glimpse into the world of Alzheimer’s, check out my article in Caregiver Magazine.
Through the Peacock's Eyes 
wonderful lines Julainnji – As long as we do not let feelings of fear and worry hold us back, things will fall into place when the time is best for it.- with your mom the trial begins of really understanding her – sure you are upto it with those lines
Thank you Indrajit!
I,too, am sorry about the life challenge you are facing your mother… Take care of yourself, Julianne!
Thanks Amy.
I hope this helps with your mum..mine has also had mental health issues all her life and connecting with her has mainly not been a positive thing..when well she is wonderful when ill I have to become a separate person,i have to remove my emotions and deal with her as I would an acquaintance ..I have found by not becoming emotionally involved I can actually help her the way she needs, i lose my anger by doing this also. It is a hard road to travel this one and when I accepted this is who she is and this is the mother I have and not to expect her to be what she cannot I found it easier ..my younger sister however still has to reach this point herself.Wonderful post thankyou Julianne 🙂 Bev xx
Thanks Bev. My mother and I never had any real relationship, so there is no emotional connection, which makes it so interesting too. Mostly it hurts to see all the pain she has and still causes my dad.
I can imagine..my father was the worst person to be with my mother..he made a problem only worse..he also has an undiagnosed bi-polar issue so it was a messy childhood..clearly I am thankful because it has made me a stronger person it also made me find my comfort zone with animals..the same feeling of helplessness makes a connection I am sure. Sadly my mothers nastiness was caused by her illness..my fathers was just plain nasty ..these experiences thread there ways through our lives ..we can either let them choke us or grab them and use them to lead us to a better place. I will not wish it gets better for you as this is a pointless wish as I am sure you will agree..hugs to you Bev xx
We choose our families to make us stronger and you are such a strong lady and pawesome 🙂 Fozziemum! (I just can’t type that w/o a ‘p’ anymore!) Yes, I agree. Also, whether the person was unpleasant or a saint, no one wishes for an Alzheimer’s patient’s life to be long. Thank you Bev, and sending you hugs and some “bear” hugs too! xoxoxo
Hahaha on th ‘p’ problem so to speak hahaha I agree and I often tell hubby I know I chose my parents to learn a lesson but boy sometimes I wonder what was I thinking in that different plane of being 😉 and no Alheimers is a cruel disease..it is one of the charities we are working on next year with our CWA ..each year we have a charity to focus on learn about and raise funds and awareness for. I said to hubby all I have is my mind..i am not beautiful,i have no great talent but I have a sharp mind and a thirst for learning to lose that would be the cruellest thing..thankyou for the hugs and bear hugs and make sure you save plenty for yourself my friend 🙂 xxxxx
Now, now, you are pretty and have many amazing talents fueled by your creative mind that you post all over your blogs! Give yourself a big big hug right now! Thank you, I have two real “bears” to hug all the time! 😀
Aww you sweetie 🙂 I love doing my bloggies..my grandma who lived to be 3 months shy of 100 was my rock..she was the only stable in a world of nutcrackers..she always used to say you should write a book..we would talk for hours with her laughin her head off at my stories which sadly were true hahhaha 🙂 thanks for the hugs and love your bears for me too 🙂
Wise text. “We need to have faith in the process so that we do not try to force things to happen when all has not yet lined up.” This (too) is so true, often not understood in the Western culture.
I´m wishing you and your mother the best. 🙂
Thank you! Namaste _/l\_
“Cleansed by light”……..love this image.
Thank you!
I admire you so much for your ability to take on difficulty with gentleness, wisdom, and grace. I am sorry for the challenges you endure with your mother. I do hope that there is some semblance of beauty and light that can be gleaned during the darkest hours.
You are truly an inspiration
Namaste
Thank you Linda! I hope writing about it here will help others dealing with similar situations. Namaste _/l\_