The last Butterfly Journal entry ended with me saying: I’ve always believed in feeling and embracing our emotions…Feel your experience, for it is part of the creation of you. This leads nicely into what I’d like to journal about for this month’s prompt:
Over the last few months we’ve had to take a long, hard, and realistic look at ourselves. We may, or may not, have liked whom we’ve seen, but we have a good foundation to build upon. Acceptance of who we have been and who we are allows us to surrender into this process of metamorphosis. We are now tucked away inside our cocoons healing, growing, changing, and transforming. For most of us, the darkness is frightening, but remember to keep faith and not give up, for we are well on our way to becoming beautiful butterflies.
For the fifth month, meditate on the aspects of yourself that have been difficult to accept. Once you acknowledge them, accept them, and surrender them to the process of change. Things will shift. Again, asking yourself “why?” may be helpful.
Another challenging part of my current situation has been working with the feeling of irritation. It’s not my mother’s Alzheimer’s symptoms, conditions, and behaviors that ignite this feeling within me, it’s the behaviors of her personality that the Alzheimer’s at times accentuates that make me feel irritable. The Alzheimer’s makes it impossible to even attempt to reason with her about her pathological lying, manipulating, and being secretive. She still does all those things because those are her habitual behaviors, bit more and more she can’t keep track of herself and forgets what she just said or was just doing.
Accepting, feeling, and releasing, as I discussed in the last entry, helps me deal with my mother, but it does bug me that I feel so much irritableness sometimes, and especially that it can continue on when I’m not watching my mother. At first it would irritate me even more when I felt irritable at other times; I did not like it. But, to let the feeling of irritation out, one has to feel it, and that’s when I realized that since I couldn’t address these issues with my mother, the irritation was working itself out at other times.
To work with this when I’m feeling this way, I’ve had to just stop myself and acknowledge and accept that I am feeling irritated and am irritable, and then allow those feelings to transform to the next best thing. It’s surrendering, embracing, and also loving what I feel that allows it to metamorphose into better feelings and into feeling better. What are the next best feeling(s) from irritation? For me, it changes into feeling feisty or sassy, which is much easier for me to work with, since these can be playful feelings. Often I start talking sassy with my pups, and then it becomes so playful and fun, all the irritation transmutes into smiles and laugher.
In the next entry I will go into the why’s, for the why’s have much to teach us!
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