This second journey through Butterfly Journal has brought clarity, awareness, and a deepening of appreciation for my process of growth and transformation. The prompt for month ten has also helped me to go even deeper into the feeling, or is it a state of being?, of gratitude:
We’ve all noticed that when things are in harmony, they flow smoothly, and we’re happy. However, when things don’t go how we want or planned, we get upset. Nature likes to keep things in balance, so when things don’t go smoothly it’s likely that Nature is trying to tell us something. This is when we need to stop, take a step back, view things from a different perspective, and say thank you for this opportunity to learn and grow.
For the tenth month, think about all the things that you have been and are grateful for, and then think about the things you have not been grateful for. With the transformations that have taken place inside you over the last nine months, take a new look at those people, incidents, or situations, and find gratitude for them. What have or can you now learn from them? Did they or can they help you grow in some way that you had not been aware of?
Every day, especially when I first wake up, I say my prayers of gratitude, but I didn’t always do this, especially during times of great stress, challenges, and even fear. However I have learned that practicing gratitude is just what helps us through times of stress, challenges, and even fear.
When I lived in my old house I experienced many of those times, and though there were so many things I loved about that house – the little “farm” I created, the giant feng shui art project I made out of the house, the animals I cared for there, and more – when I sold it and moved back to the family home in California I carried a lot of those difficult memories and energies with me, still in need of much healing. As those who follow these journal entries know, returning to the family home was a journey into the dark cocoon, into deeper stresses, challenges, and fears that needed to be addressed, many of which were tucked deep away into the dark recesses of my psyche.
There were many times I questioned myself if I had made a mistake by moving, and as difficult as it was, I knew I was on the right path for my soul’s growth and healing. Because I was engrossed in this process I didn’t really get to completely thank my old home and house or to be thankful for all the wonderful time and experiences I had had in my old house. It wasn’t until my move a few months ago, which signaled that I had fully emerged from the cocoon and was now spreading my wings, that I have really been able to completely and fully express, feel, and be in gratitude for my old house, my experiences there (good and bad), and all that I was able to create.
It’s interesting/synchronistic how the house that I am renting now has so many things in common with my old house: a fish pond, chickens, a veggie garden, herbs, fruit trees, large trees all around, etc. I feel I found this place to give me the time to deepen my gratitude and fully appreciate the past, and it definitely feels like this is also completing a deep stage of healing for me. As affirmation of this from my psyche, my house dream series has completely stopped. Since this post with many of my house dreams last October, I have had only two other house dreams. The first here was before I knew I was moving in December, and the other was just after I had moved:
11/11/15: I return to my old house. It was totally empty, colorful as before, but also bigger and all cleaned out. Many friends and neighbors were there happy to see me. I asked to have the contract for the sale dissolved since the couple never moved in, and I wanted to come back. The yard and garden was bigger too.
12/15/15: I went back to my old house. It was the same, but all the walls were bright white. It was “my home.”
As I’ve mentioned before, a house or home symbol in dreams often symbolizes the psyche, and for me the psyche is where I have been doing much, much cleaning, clearing, and healing. As challenging as things had been, especially over the past few years, I am thankful for all of it, for without those experiences I would not now be “home.”