As I go through Butterfly Journal: Monthly Contemplations for Spiritual Metamorphosis, I will post the prompt for each month with the first posted entry for that given month (the journal may be begun at any time of the year). Since I am beginning this month, my first month is September. This is the prompt for the first month:
The start of the new year or a new growth cycle is a time of new beginnings, but before we can make resolutions and new starts, we have to spend some time self-reflecting. In order to self-reflect, we need to ground ourselves in the here and now and take a good look at ourselves: who we have been, who we are, and who we wish to become. For some of us this may mean resolving past issues and conflicts, either within ourselves or with others. This will also clear the way and make space for healing and new growth to take place.
For the first month, contemplate on the ways in which you wish to better yourself – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And then ask yourself: “why?” The “why’s” will show you where there is clutter in your life that can be cleaned out to create the space for growth, and where you already have clarity and growth taking place.
I’ve written out several ways in which I wish to better myself, but here I will discuss what I feel is the most significant piece of “clutter” in my life. First a little background information…
A little over a year ago I decided to completely transform my life. I had had a successful healing practice for twelve years and had had a home, including a little “farm” with veggies, fruit, herbs, and chickens, for almost ten years. However in March 2012 I suddenly knew that my time where I was was done. I could sense it building to this for a while, and I had this overwhelming feeling that I had to leave if I wanted life to move forward. I closed up my practice, sold my home, and moved back to my home town. Frightening? Yes, especially since I made no money on the house, had very little to live off of, and no source of income. But, I could live with family, and most of all live somewhere where the sun shines. Though scary, I was also happy to leave for various reasons, and excited to start a new life, focusing on writing.
Over the past year I’ve rested, taken a few months sabbatical, gained a lot of writing experience, and become more and more productive with writing. The clutter that I am still dealing with is the “what if’s” of both the past and the future. Though I don’t want to go back, nor do I regret my huge life changing decision, I do sometimes miss having my own home and wonder what life would be like if I still lived there. Much of this has cleared, but I know there is still some clearing needed. Part of healing and processing does take time, but based on some dreams I’ve been having (I’ll talk about these in another post), it is clearing out more and more. I know energetically these “what if’s” block the creation of the new, so my focus here is to not let my mind wander into the past, or steer it back towards the present when it does.
As for the “what if’s” about the future, it is wondering, “what if I’m not a good writer, or not successful, or can’t make a living writing.” To clear out these “what if’s” when they pop up, I need to instead visualize how I wish to manifest my dreams, and as I continue to send out queries and produce more, have the confidence that others will like my work.