This Butterfly Journal post is in conjunction with Blue Butterflies and Me’s 11 Day Clearing from September 11 to the Equinox on September 22. Be sure to check out yesterday’s post by Linda at Lite Being Chronicles.
In Entry #1, I mentioned the biggest piece of “clutter” that needed clearing was the “what if’s” of the past. Though happy with the decision to completely change my life, my mind often wanders back to my old home, wondering and imagining what life there would still be like. Upon further self-reflection, I see that this isn’t hanging onto the past, but more like pondering what a different, maybe even parallel (reality/universe?), path that my life could be on. I know that clairvoyantly I am able to visualize possible future outcomes, and I have wondered if this is sort of what I am doing when I think about what life would be like today if I were in my old home. Am I truly viewing a parallel “me”? Whether I am or not, letting my mind and vision drift to that curiosity or reality, hinders the creation of the new life I living here and now. Clearing out these “what if’s” opens the way for the new.
Over a year ago, when I first moved, these thoughts were very common, especially when I’d ask myself if I’d made a mistake. My answer was always no though the transition was not easy. And even though it was my decision, I still had to grieve all that no longer was. Over the past year, the “what if’s” have become less and less. By last Spring, they only appeared occasionally, but then I began to have a series of interesting dreams. I do feel these dreams are how my unconscious is working at clearing out the “what if’s” tucked away deep, deep inside. Here are my Dream Journal entries for these dreams:
Dream #1, 4-28-13:
I went back to my old house just to check it out. Kuruk (my pup) and Zoe (my cat) were with me. I knocked and rang the bell, but no one was there, so I used the key I had (I do not have one in real life). They were still moving stuff in and putting the house together. I saw the woman and she had a new baby. I told her I just stopped by. That’s all.
Dream #2, 5-7-13:
I went to my old house to finish packing up (though I knew in my dream I had moved away a while ago). The woman had blonde hair this time and everything was very white and bright, and washed in light. She was cooking. The couple had removed the built-in cabinet in the dining room and asked if I wanted it. I said no. I put my air mattress in the living room since I would need to stay over-night. Simba (my pup who has passed but is an animal spirit guide for me) was with me.
Dream #3, 6-11-13:
I was back at my old house and had returned to finish cleaning up. There was stuff stacked under the front door mat. My mail, I think. I had entered the house through the back though, and then went to the front door and saw this. (In my dream journal I also note here that in the first two dreams I also entered through the back door. In the first one I had rung the bell but then entered through the back.) I saw neighbors from across the street wave. That was all.
Dream #4, 7-20-13:
I returned to my old house because my neighbors wanted me there. I wasn’t in the house though. Then I am walking down the street towards the coffeeshop. It was warm and humid. I wondered why I went back. I didn’t want to. Others wanted it.
Dream #5, 9-9-13:
I went to my old house and let myself in (front door) with a key. The owners asked me to let them know next time before I just come over. My pups were with me. I was only in the living room.
Besides clearing things out from deep in my unconscious, I feel the dreams are allowing me to travel back and retrieve any energy I’ve left behind. I just now realized that I need to travel back in a dream and leave the “key” there in order to finish cleaning and clearing that stage of my life. Anyone else’s intuitive insights and impressions are appreciated!
Life, what is it but a dream? – Lewis Carroll
Check out tomorrow’s 11 Day Clearing post at Karen Kubicko.