After a month of self-reflection (see last month’s entries here) with Butterfly Journal: Monthly Contemplations for Spiritual Metamorphosis, it is time to clear our vision further. Here is the prompt for month #2:
The process of self-reflection to make new beginnings requires us to be truthful with ourselves. We cannot change, grow, or move forward if we do not know where we are starting from. Being truthful with ourselves opens up pathways we may not have otherwise seen. In Truth, the journey is now underway.
For the second month, continue to develop the clarity that comes from being honest with yourself. Also, reflect upon the ways and situations that you may not be honest with yourself or others, and ask yourself: “why?”
I will stick to the theme of my major life transition for the Butterfly Journal posts here on the blog, as well as discussing my dream series that relates to it (as long as those dreams continue, of course).
I’ve had to contemplate this month’s prompt quite a bit. Overall, I’m a very honest person. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. So I’ve been digging deep inside to discover what truths are hidden in my unconscious. The dream I had just a couple of nights ago brought some insights about this to my consciousness:
Dream #6: 10-3-13:
I was running around my old city, around the south end of the lake. I continued and ran past the home of some people I used to know. Access to the larger lake was right behind their home. There were square cement blocks that looked like they were floating on the water. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to jump the distance from one to the other, but I was afraid they would see me passing through. I decided that what they thought did not matter, and then I knew I had the ability to run/leap across the blocks on the water. This I did.
Across the water was a large pagoda shaped building filled with foreign visitors waiting for buses. I entered an enormous, room-sized elevator with some of them, and then I was on a bus back to downtown. I got off on the first stop. By the street signs I knew it was not a good area, but also that I just had to cross to the other side of the freeway to be safe.
It’s the last word above that clued me into a deep-seeded truth. I have an unconscious fear of not feeling safe and secure. In the fifteen years I had lived in the previous city, truly closely bonded friendships were difficult to find, and I had experienced an abusive relationship and a frightening stalker situation. Without going into too much detail, my life there was very much about survival, not feeling safe, and not often having a family-like friend to help. I had no family there either.
On the conscious level, in spite of all that, I managed to create a pleasant life, successful healing practice, and a beautiful home. Though I have overcome, and healed, from a lot, on the unconscious level, the fear of not feeling safe and secure still needs some work. In The previous dreams in this series, I kept going back to my house. It was the place where I was safe; it was an oasis of creativity, but also of healing. In this dream I’m out running around the city, hopping above water (skirting my emotions), joining foreigners (I no longer feel I belong there?), and then finding my way to safety.
Fear of feeling safe is a root chakra (Muladhara) issue, so it is very interesting that I have returned to the city and home of my roots to heal this unconscious fear. Through the assistance of my dreams I have come to full realization (truth) that I need to address this fear of feeling safe, by emotionally entering into this fear (versus hopping on the water/suppressing the fear and emotions to survive), working on releasing it, and working towards healing my root chakra. I will go further into this in my next entry.