Revelations from the Depths of the Psyche


The unconscious realm, the psyche, is a mysterious place. We journey there every night, experiencing strange and unusual things, yet these very things, if we allow them to percolate – sometimes for years in our dream journals or sometimes for a brief meditation session –  can bring us great awakening and healing revelations about ourselves from the dark depths of the psyche.

Those of you who have followed me for years know that I have what I call “dream series.” A major one over the last several years has been my “house dreams” (see last post: Home Sweet Home here). These continue to come, but a new constant in them has shifted their message: it’s always nighttime. Each time I return to my old home, I know that I am just visiting, and the darkness of nighttime symbolizes that I am going deeper into the depths of my own psyche.

A couple of recent “house dreams” (a house often represents the psyche in dreams) have now led me to a deeper level of healing that is taking place:

2/19/2018: I’m at my old house, and the couple left so I could be there. It was night and dark and no lights on inside. I was in the living room area. I was meeting with and/or deciding on which “boyfriend” to take back with me. 

5/04/2018: I’m at my old house, and it’s nighttime again. I’m in the dining room/kitchen area. A friend was at her car trunk outside and then bringing in a bed frame. There was some discussion about king size versus queen size.

Same night: I’m at a picnic, and my “husband” was there standing by some glass doors. Two much bigger men were approaching him. I ran over to protect and defend him, and I hoped he wouldn’t feel e-masculated or offended. 

Many years ago in the past I had dreams where my inner masculine appeared as a young boy – weak, undeveloped, and wanting to be loved. I have done a lot of work to nurture, support, and allow to grow this aspect within myself in recent years, learning to assert myself and my needs, among other things. Now he is grown up, appearing as my “other half”, as my “boyfriend” or “husband.” Deep within I seem to be deciding to accept him and take him with me/my inner feminine; it doesn’t have to be him/king or her/queen who wins all the time. I need to allow my inner masculine be his masculine qualities, instead of my inner feminine trying to protect him like a small boy.

Though I consciously feel both aspects of my psyche are reasonably well developed, I have recently had the revelation that they might not be working together in an equal and integrated way. I now need to learn how to healthily integrate my inner masculine and feminine energies, or maybe this process is already happening deep within my unconscious…

5/11/2018: I was talking to a friend, who was a friend’s boyfriend. I was trying to see if they were a good match. He kept insisting that they were, though he pointed out that I had only spent a lot of time with each of them separately.

5/16/2018: I was in situation somewhat like the “Bachelor” show, and I was trying to be the match for the guy. I knew in the dream that he was my inner masculine.

The dreamworld is a fascinating place that tries to reveal to our conscious minds what is going on deep within. I will have to do much more self-reflection and meditation on this integration process, since it was quite a revelation to me that these two sides of my psyche have been seeking to come into balance and become whole.


Posted in Psyche & The Dreamworld | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Animal Spirits: The Fly

Lately as one of my daily practices, I’ve been pulling a card from The Goddess Knowledge Cards both for inspiration and to learn about goddess symbolism from cultures around the world. When I turned the light on in my office this morning, I noticed a fly on the ceiling above my desk, as if watching me (and it stayed there for hours). Not long after I pulled a goddess card, and much to my surprise I pull a card about a fly goddess, named Etain:


Etain, whose name literally means “shining one,” was a Celtic moon goddess, the second wife of Midir, king of the underworld. Midir’s first wife, Fuanmach, was jealous of Etain and turned her into a fly. Falling into a glass of wine, Etain drowned. She was reborn and married Eochaid, a fertility god. Midir challenged Eochaid to a game of chess; the result was that Etain must spend half her year underground and half on earth. 

Etain is especially a symbol of fertility, of vitality and life of all growing things. A goddess familiar with both life and death, she teaches that wherever we are, on earth or in the depths of the underworld, we too can be shining. 

Etain’s story is very reminiscent of that of Persephone from Greek mythology, who also spent half the year in the underworld, when the crops and plants died for the winter, and half the year on earth, when the ground had become ripe with fertility and creative abundance flowed forth. Both goddesses are symbolic of the cycle of life and death, as is the animal spirit, the fly.

Though the fly may not at first seem like an animal spirit to get excited about, it is through the fly’s “dirty work” of eating feces, dead creatures and plants, and decaying food, breaking it down to create fertile earth, that enables life to continue on earth. Flies are an important part of the continuous cycle of life -> death -> life… They create abundance from waste, new life from death.

The Fly Symbolizes:

  • Rebirth & Resurrection
  • Fertility, Creativity, & Abundance
  • Resourcefulness & Recycling
Posted in Animal Spirits | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Animal Spirits: The Goose

Lately there has been a flock of geese that has been passing directly over my home and sounding their horns both in the morning and in the evening as the fly to and fro. Currently I am working on my second fairy tale, and so I immediately thought of Mother Goose and her fairy tales the first time my geese encounter happened. Being a new mother this felt even closer to home, as the goose is very protective of their young, and I felt a sense of affirmation that my baby is also watched over by Spirit.

Geese are also protective and faithful to any in their own flock and will never leave one behind. They work as a team, communicating with their horns or honks, and anyone who has gotten too close to a goose knows that they are not afraid to show their bravado. As migratory birds, the animal spirit goose can symbolize one’s soul’s or one’s personal journey.

The Goose Symbolizes:

  • Protection of the Young & the Weak or Ill
  • Fellowship, Community, & Comradery
  • Teamwork & Communication
  • The Soul’s Journey
Posted in Animal Spirits | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Animal Spirits: The Lobster

This yellow lobster was caught by Jim Coffin, of Brunswick.A few nights ago I had a very interesting dream that had three different animal spirits in it: raccoons, lobsters, and crows. I’ve written about crow symbolism here, and raccoon symbolism will come. In this post I will focus on the lobster.

A brief summary for those who are curious: In my dream the lobsters were yellow – an extremely rare color. About 1 in 30 million lobsters are yellow. They also kept growing or getting bigger, and one had attached itself to my jacket.

Lobsters are solitary and strong creatures who, as they grow, must molt or shed their outer shells, which provide protection. This process of molting is symbolic of regeneration and transformation, while the process of releasing hard outer shells represents transcending fears and blockages of the ego or mind, reminding us to let go of our attachments or whatever we are gripping onto. The lobster’s growth and molting is continuous throughout its lifetime, showing us that our cycles of inner growth and healing are continuous as well.

Emotional regeneration, transformation, detachment, and inner growth are all processes that involve deep introspection to trigger deep emotional healing and bring it up from our psyches to our conscious awareness. The lobster that had attached to me in my dream reminded me of the lobster in the Moon card of the Tarot. This lobster is coming out of the water, bringing forth wisdom, insight, emotions, and intuitive guidance from the depths of the waters of the psyche to the surface of consciousness.

The Lobster Symbolizes:

  • Seeking Solitude & Finding Deeper Meaning Within
  • Inner Growth & Transformation
  • Healing & Regeneration
  • Strength & Patience
  • Bringing the Unconscious to Consciousness
  • Psychic Awareness
  • Shedding of Emotional/Mental Attachments
Posted in Animal Spirits | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Returning to a Yoga Asana Practice

For most of this past year my yoga Asana practice has been on hiatus due to a very challenging pregnancy and traumatic labor that led to an emergency c-section. All things considered, I am healing well and am now slowly returning to a yoga asana practice as part of my healing process.

Now begins the study/practice of yoga. – Yoga Sutra 1.1

As I begin, I remind myself of ahimsa. Ahimsa is the first Yama of the first limb of yoga, and it is an important foundation to all the other yoga practices as well as for life. Ahimsa translates as non-violence (it can also be translated as Love), and being gentle and loving to my physical form is important and necessary for recovery. About 15-20 minutes of Asana and Pranayama is my limit, yet I can already feel how not only my body, but my energy, my mind, and my emotions are coming back into balance, helping me to process all the thoughts, worries, and feelings of my childbirth experience.

Yoga is the practice of bringing stillness to the fluctuations of the mind.           – Yoga Sutra 1.2

More importantly, however, my return to a yoga asana practice has helped me to center myself back into my own Self.

Then the Seer/Self abides in his own nature.  – Yoga Sutra 1.3

Posted in Health & Healing, Yoga | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Spring 2017 Newsletter – A Time for New Beginnings!

I just sent out a newsletter about new beginnings, my creative projects, and my sabbatical. Check out the newsletter here!

Posted in Meditations | Tagged , , , , , | 17 Comments

Animal Spirits: The Coyote

coyote_snowWhere I now live, there are coyotes all around. I’ve encountered a young, curious one in a park while walking my Alaskan Malamutes. I can often hear them singing to each other during the night, and occasionally I will see one on the road nearby that separates the residential area and the farmlands that lead up to the mountains. I feel connected to them when I see or hear them, as if they are guiding and affirming the changes and transformations in my own life.

Coyotes are a skillful, intelligent, and resourceful canine (Canis latrans), and with their playful and seemingly fearless behaviors they symbolize youth and trickster energy.

coyote playful

In Native American cultures, the coyote is seen as a shapeshifter, reminding us to be adaptable to change and that by removing our masks/personas we find our True Self. They are also seen as a transformer, bringing both endings and new life, including singing humans into being. Listen to coyote:

The Coyote Symbolizes:

  • Transformation, Change, Death & Rebirth
  • Shapeshifting
  • Playfulness, Stealth, & Trickster Energy
  • Intelligence & Resourcefulness
Posted in Animal Spirits | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Santa & His Shadow

Santa‘Tis the Season of Santa Claus, the jolly ol’ soul who traverses the globe with his sleigh driven by reindeer on Christmas Eve to bring toys to all the good girls and boys. The name Santa Claus morphed from Saint Nicholas, a bishop in the 4th century who helped the impoverished. However, Santa is also known as Grandfather Frost and Father Christmas, whose appearance was influenced by the Germanic and Scandinavian god Odin. During mid-winter (Jul or Yule) Odin would ride his eight-legged horse delivering gifts to the people, and thus he is believed to be one of the precursors for the modern day Santa Claus.

Overall, the persona of Santa Claus is that of a kind, giving, and benevolent being. But, like most of us, Santa has his shadow side too, and this should be acknowledged, lest his shadow side unconsciously take over his generous nature. When we suppress our shadows, our “dark side,” and pretend it’s not there, it will try to sabotage us. By acknowledging it, understanding it (this may take some time, of course), and integrating it into our being, that is, once what was subconscious comes to our conscious awareness, we enter into a state of becoming whole, of holiness, and of healing.

Knecht Ruprecht

Santa & Knecht Ruprecht


There are a few characters, known mainly in Europe, who represent the shadow side of Santa. Santa Claus is only concerned with those on his Nice list. Those on his Naughty list are for his dark companions or followers to deal with. There is Knecht Ruprecht, Santa’s servant companion, who may give bad children lumps of coal or broken toys, beat them with ashes or a stick, leave sticks for the parents to beat the naughty children with, or even abduct the children.



Krampus & Santa

Krampus & Santa


There is Belsnickel, a ragged-looking Nicholas (-nickel) who goes to homes to pelt (Bels-) or beat naughty children into being good. And there is Krampus, a demon-looking creature, who may also beat children with a branch, or he may take evil children to eat or kill. On a slightly lighter note, there is also Santa’s servant Zwarte Piet (Black Pete), who might leave naughty children coal or a bunch of twigs instead of gifts and sweets.




Santa Claus

Santa Claus











When Santa is looking over his Naughty or Nice List he must acknowledge his shadow side and toss the list out, for true giving is neither conditional nor judgmental. Santa and his shadow self united as a whole being knows that compassion, love, kindness, and charity for all is what the meaning of Christmas is all about.

Posted in Psyche & The Dreamworld | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Home Sweet Home

flymetothemoonI had an interesting dream last night, that left me feeling grounded and peaceful. It was another of my “house” dream series, where I return to my old home. You can read many previous entries in my posts Butterfly Journal: GratitudeTime Machine Blogging Challenge: Traversing the Timelessness of the Dreamworld, and Butterfly Journal: Self-Reflection. In summary, most of those dreams had the themes of me going back and packing more, cleaning, seeing it empty, not selling or buying it back, or just curious to check on the house and see the changes. In Butterfly Journal: Gratitude, I wrapped up with a feeling of being home sweet home:

As I’ve mentioned before, a house or home symbol in dreams often symbolizes the psyche, and for me the psyche is where I have been doing much, much cleaning, clearing, and healing. As challenging as things had been, especially over the past few years, I am thankful for all of it, for without those experiences I would not now be “home.”

The few house dreams that I have had since the last December 2015 entry in Butterfly Journal: Gratitude show that, not surprisingly since healing is continuous, more cleaning, clearing, and releasing deep in my psyche was taking place:

3/31/16: Then I was at my old house. It was empty and never sold. No one ever moved in. I went through the back door, and the key was the same. (I still had the key – This is another theme within this series.The house was as I had left it. In the front yard someone(s) had removed some of the bricks that were underneath the soil (near where the bamboo was) in 2 or 3 spots revealing the hollowness underneath. I wondered how they had held in place. Even though no one had moved in, I did not want to move back!

7/7/16: In my old house. The walls were green again. I had left someone living there, and thought that I needed to tell them I wasn’t coming back. There was also some stuff there I needed to finish taking care of.

10/15/16: I was at my old house just to see it. It was empty and deserted or neglected. I was in the living room looking out the front windows at stuff left out for donations and trash pick-up. Then I was in the backyard, and like the front yard, it was all just grass. Everything was removed – the pond, chickens, trees, etc. Some people were there just talking but unaware of me (?). I may have been talking to someone. I saw/found a small pile of things in the dirt that had been left or forgotten, but they were falling apart/decaying. 


These three dreams show that there was/is more in even deeper layers of my psyche that need addressing, healing, and clearing out. I hold the key to this process and have access to it, yet at the same time I know that I am not going back to the old struggles I once had and am moving on towards the future. And then last night’s dream:

11/12/16: I went back to my old house. It was fully lived in by the couple that bought it, and I as aware that it was no longer my home. I had come in through the back. At first I thought no one was there, but the woman was coming out of the bathroom. I explained I didn’t have their number and couldn’t call ahead to let them know I was coming. My dogs and cats were with me, but one of them had also stayed at the house to help with the couple’s baby. I was going to bring her (the dog) back home with me. I had forgotten to pack pet food, but there was dog and cat food there I could use. 

The husband then arrived, and he showed me the out the back and how they had moved the garage from the side to the center-back of the yard. They also had built a covering from the back door to the garage, which they also did from the front. The sides of the house we’re open and exposed. 

Last night’s dream was different from all the others, and shows that I have or am coming to closure, completion, and a wholeness or healing within my psyche (very synchronistic with the super full moon coming up!). My conscious, subconscious, and unconscious have accepted, integrated, and are coming to a deeper understanding of the process of the past 4.5 years since moving from my old home. It is no longer my home (Reminder: “home/house” is symbolic of “psyche.”); it is the old struggles that I have let go of. By releasing ownership of the house (struggles within the psyche), I no longer identify with them. They are no longer me, but lessons and experiences that have led to inner growth.

This process is also reflected in my real/conscious life. For the first time since moving 4.5 years ago and embarking on an intense journey of psychic, psychological, familial, and ancestral healing, I am now living in a home that is not someone else’s. I am home sweet home – feeling safe, secure, supported, whole, grounded, and settled.

Posted in Psyche & The Dreamworld | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Synchronicity & Spiritual Affirmations

g-highpriestessIt’s been a while since I’ve posted a written blog post, but I am now ready to get back to more regular writing. Much has changed and transformed in my life in the last few months, which has led to much inner healing and understanding of myself: who I have been, who I am, and who I am becoming. This intense inner transformation and growth has been reflected by expansion in my outer life as well, not only personally, but professionally. I’ve also had several astrology and tarot clients who have been going through similar transformations, and I have seen clearly that the synchronicities of these client sessions have been affirmations to me for my own spiritual journey.

Synchronicity and spiritual affirmations can come in many forms and in many different ways: a song playing on the radio, a bird tapping on the window, a tarot reading, or a vision in our dreams. The possible ways Spirit tries to communicate with us seems limitless.

Last week as I finished unpacking and sorting through boxes from my recent move, I looked through a deck of cards gifted to me when I was packing up boxes in August. The cards are called Goddess Knowledge Cards, and as I went through the beautiful cards I was reminded of an old post of mine: The Fourteen Names of the Goddess, a post about a message I got while sleeping that led me to connecting deeper to the Moon (change, mother goddess, etc.), deep healing within my psyche, and healing ancestral karma. As I looked at and read the cards, I could feel each message bringing affirmation for processes and experiences of my inner journey.


The Changing Woman

The Goddess Knowledge Cards are a set of 48 cards depicting goddesses from cultures across the world, but as I re-acquainted myself with each of them I realized that my deck actually had 49 cards with two copies of the goddess, The Changing Woman. The Changing Woman can change form, but more importantly she embodies the cycles of nature and of life and death. She is Maiden, Mother, Crone, – a cycle that continuously repeats.

The only constant is change. – Heraclitus

I smiled at this discovery, thanking the goddesses for their affirmation of both the changes within and the changes with-out in my life, and especially for the reminder that everything and anything can change.

Posted in Meditations | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments